Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
