I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
