Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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