What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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