ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
