I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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