I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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