i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize