He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
