I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
