Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
