I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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