Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
