So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
farters have to be the big spoon...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
