You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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