fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
