Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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