Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
