I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
