funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
