I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
