I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
