Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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