i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
