The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Shitshow foam night was such a success
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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