I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
