who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
