I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
