the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
