I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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