So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she smelled like a LAN party
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
