can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
