dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
