someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
