Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
