he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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