i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
