i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Randomize
