The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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