just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize