There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
