Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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