tequila makes me forget i have legs
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
