You're so nebulous sometimes
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
