i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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