So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
