So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize