Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
