So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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