In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
