update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I forgot wine drunk hurts
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
