I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
