I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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