and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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