sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
