She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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