Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
What a dumb baby whore.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
