I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
