11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
