I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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