So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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