have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
