I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
