Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
