If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you win again, gameday.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
