I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I love having hate sex.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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