ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
