Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
