I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
