thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
