You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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