That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have aggressive nipples.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
