i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
