it wasn't lemon gatorade
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
