and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
