PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My feet surprised me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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