lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
