Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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