I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
