If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
